Here's What I've Learnt This Week

What a dodgy car dealer has taught me about the power of the female voice.

Three months ago, I made the bold decision…

… to get a car for my business. Bertha the Birth Mobile was soon on the drive and I was so excited. I’d done all my homework before, and had checked everything was watertight.

I bought from a dealer, and was given all reassurances. Yet to be certain, I sent it in for a service and the whole thing unravelled. Without boring you with the details, the car started juddering every time it was driven, I was told the tyres were cracked. I was told it needed hundreds spending on diagnostics to try fix it.

So, of course, I went back to the seller and asked to return it in exchange for a refund.

Now let me tell you something, there’s something about buying a car - or trying to return one - that reveals exactly how women are expected to behave.

Be agreeable. Don’t question the expert. Don’t push too hard. Don’t be difficult.

And whatever you do, don’t raise your voice.

The story went on…

Within weeks, I was £900 down on work and diagnostics and still without a clear answer. The seller? Blunt at best. Aggressive at worst. And absolutely unwilling to refund me a single penny.

Now, I could write a whole post about the consumer rights side of this, but this isn’t just about dodgy mechanics or misleading MOTs.

This is about voice.

Because the moment I stopped trying to explain, justify, soften and sweeten - the moment I said this is the amount I am owed and I won’t be spoken to like this - something shifted.

I stopped negotiating and started asserting.

I stopped asking to be treated fairly and started stating what would happen if I wasn’t.

I stopped replying like I was trying not to upset someone and started replying like someone who knew they were in the right.

Guess what happened then…

He was frustrated. He got angry. But guess what? The car’s gone. The money’s back. And I kept my nervous system intact.

But more than that? I remembered something I teach and talk about all the time - that our voices are tools of power, not just connection. That we get to speak without apology. That clarity is not aggression. That being “too much” is often just being enough, finally.

It also reminded me of how many women I come across either during pregnancy or postnatally that have this battle with people. Maybe it’s an appointment to get the home birth they want, or maybe it’s a discussion about how they choose to parent.

Either way the world is full of people trying to tell us what to do. It’s so easy for us to fall into that role and be the yes person they want us to be. It’s conditioned, after all.

So if no one’s said it to you today:

Your voice is allowed to be direct.

You don’t need to shrink to make someone else comfortable.

And no, it’s not your job to make someone feel okay about disappointing you.

And if you’re in a season where your voice matters more than ever - whether you're preparing for birth or navigating motherhood - I’ve got two powerful ways to support you:

🌿 Coaching – a one-of-a-kind coaching and mentoring experience where we drop the noise, reconnect with our inner knowing, and prepare to birth and parent in our full power. Keep updated with all my latest coaching offerings here.

🌀 My Pocket Doula App® – for grounded, expert-led guidance from bump to baby and beyond. No fluff. Just straight-talking, physiological, confidence-building support in your pocket. Download it here.